The Art of Being a Woman Alone - now there's a subject which needed to be addressed. Women today (and for most of recorded history) have been culturally expected - even driven - to sacrifice themselves for others. More recently, ideals emerged which allowed women to seek their own interests and careers, and in todays world, most women know instinctively that they HAVE to be able to support themselves (and children if they have them) as men are no longer required to support them.
This, understandably, creates pressure.
In our modern drive to have everything, women have lost their Self. By losing one's Self, according to Falk, a person loses the ability to stand alone, to be self-sufficient, to enjoy solitude without being lonely and bereft. In addition, when one's Self is damaged or missing, there is nothing protecting you from psychic damage from friends, lovers, and the world in general.
In many ways, our culture resists the import of a woman who is able to stand alone. If you are valuing your own self, you are selfish - a horrible accusation to make of any girl or mother. If you cultivate your own interests, or enjoy your own company, you are self-absorbed - again, a negative. Falk wants us to take joy in selfishness, as we re-imagine ourselves and make peace with who we truly are. She wishes that more women would take time to be self-absorbed, to glory in the creative, WHOLE person who has been submerged for so long by our society, our relationships, and abuse.
Which brings me to the "almost inspiring." Falk finds it necessary to trace in microscopic detail the failed relationships, parental and peer abuse, and overarching societal pressure which causes modern women to lose their Self. This is an amazing downer in a book intended to inspire. In those pages (which are a majority of the book) there is a passivity - a helplessness in the face of a powerful and malevolent grinding cultural poverty. Comparing this to her stirring call for Self-awareness, I found it difficult when she failed to transfer this individual awareness into culture at large.
One example speaks of a girl, gifted and pretty, from an "academic" hippie family, and the teasing and social abuse she suffered at middle and high school. The girl, now a middle-aged woman, is only now dealing with this pain. Nowhere is it suggested that if the girl had a Self-aware mentor, she could have learned to stand ALONE and to rise above the taunts of her peers. Repeatedly, women and girls in her examples are left with gaping psychic wounds which are bemoaned as evil and spirit-breaking, but with no counter-examples to show HOW, if one is taught to grow into her Self from the start, those wounds could be minimized or avoided.
Much of this comes from the author's own experiences, as late in life she rediscovered herself and fought free of years of living for others. I do applaud women who, at any age, realize that no matter what or who is in your life, a healthy person's focus must be on themselves FIRST. However, I think that a celebration of women's rights to be whole people in themselves should try to show how to achieve that from the start, rather than passively accepting the damage until some midlife "eureka" is reached.
In spite of this, this book is stirring and powerful, and begs for women to accept that we CAN be alone and powerful, we CAN be at peace with our true Selves, and we CAN recover from childhood trauma and the pressures of life. This is an important message for everyone.
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